Embarrassing story about 4th grade crush

"Which girl is your favorite?" This was a question that I was worried about being asked by the boys in my 4th grade class. They had been talking about girls recently, and I was imagining how I would answer.

I was 9 years old, and didn't care for girls at that age. But I wanted to be seen as cool in front of the guys. So I lay in bed one night, contemplating. I weighed the pros and cons of each girl in my class. Gradually, I narrowed it down to the girl that I least disliked. I'll refer to her as JB.

My classmates never asked me the question. But at least I was prepared with an answer. As the days went on, I began thinking more and more about JB. Without realizing it, I developed a crush on her.

Soon after, I was sitting next to her at lunch in the cafeteria. I decided to make a move. I kissed my hand and touched her arm. She was startled, and freaked out because of cooties.

Another classmate reminded me of the school rules: boys and girls aren’t allowed to touch. (This was a Christian school.)

As we lined up to go back to class, I blew a kiss to JB. She pretended to catch it, threw it to the floor, then stomped on it.

I was disappointed by her reactions, but I wasn't going to give up. I was even more determined to woo her.

My next step was to write a love letter. I got permission to use my parents' computer for an app that creates cards.

I picked out the most romantic cover image I could find: a heart with flowers. As I was typing out a love poem, my mom entered the room and saw the computer screen. She wondered what I was doing. After some coaxing, I confessed why I was designing that card.

She tried convincing me to change the cover to something else, and to write a "friend" letter instead of a love letter. I didn't have much choice if she was going to let me print out my card with her printer. I remember JB saying something about liking lizards, so I searched for a new cover image.

I found one with lizards, frogs, and insects. I thought it looked cool!

However, I regretted that I couldn't convey my feelings according to my original vision. When I gave the card to JB, she accepted it, but didn't reciprocate my feelings.

My crush continued for several weeks. One time, I saw JB at the library. It felt so exciting to see her outside of school! It felt like destiny.

Finally, one day at recess, I decided to take things to the next base: a kiss on the lips. While on a wooden bridge on the playground, I tried convincing JB to let me kiss her. She was hesitant.

Another girl joined in to try persuading her that it was no big deal. This girl let me kiss her on the arm as proof. A crowd of students started gathering around, eager to see what would happen with JB.

It seemed like JB was about to give in, when the teacher announced that recess was over and it was time to line up. JB promised that she would let me do it the next day, “same time, same place”.

I waited in anticipation for the next recess. She made a promise!

When the time finally came, it was as if she had forgotten about it. She was off playing with her friends. So I went over to remind her. She refused.

But promises must be kept. I went in for the kiss. JB and her friends screamed and started running away. I ran after them. I chased them up the steps, across the bridge, down the pole, dodging swings, under the tower, all around the recess area. It became like a game of tag. Except I was terrorizing the playground trying to kiss girls.

Our teacher eventually noticed the racket and intervened. JB and her friends told on me.

The teacher sent me to the principal's office. I felt upset, betrayed that JB didn’t keep her promise. I tried explaining that to the principal. But he sternly reprimanded me for breaking the school rules. I wasn’t just trying to touch a girl, but to kiss her on the lips.

I was given detention. I had to stay after school and copy an encyclopedia by hand for a couple hours.

My crush naturally faded away after that. As my first rejection by a girl, it was perhaps a traumatizing experience. I didn’t work up the courage to confess to a crush again, all the way up until college. (That’s a story for another time…)